Mathematics and other not so microscopic viruses

In life, you always make choices. Since the time you were born, you learn to choose after you learn to breathe and cry for milk. Like in fifth grade, I had to choose between being cool and dumb (I chose cool, but ended up being dumb, but that’s a different story). And like the time in eighth grade, I had to make a choice between Messi and Ronaldo, because it was FIFA (I chose the hotter one, figure it out). And like the time in high school I had to choose between Math and Bio (I chose Math, better than cutting open dead bodies, I thought), so generally math homework is what makes me miserable and makes me question all the choices I’ve made uptil now. So, I made an excellent choice and closed my math books and made a tough choice between Netflix and Amazon Prime. 

Just as the movie started and the protagonists were being introduced, I hear a voice, “What a creative way to study.”

Wait, this dialogue doesn’t sound like it could belong to the movie. And sure enough, it isn’t. My dad is standing at the door, with a mock stern expression. Basically, my dad doesn’t care about my grades or anything, nobody at home really does, but still that doesn’t mean he’ll let me watch movies and waste time. But I try.

“Yes. Informative movie about AI powered robots and the future.”

My dad, like the half of the population, is a Software Engineer and very much unlike that half, he is super passionate about it. Everything in the world, according to him, runs because of the code and programming and he has two elder brothers, who look the same and agree the same. Sounds cool, I know, that is my family in a nutshell and I am the nutcase in this family. Haha.

I check to see if I made an impression on him, but his raised eyebrows tell me I haven’t. 

“Get out of the house! Take in some fresh air! Interact with people! You don’t get a damn thing by sitting at home and reading textbooks or watching movies, you’ve already done that for a while now, do you see a benefit?”

It doesn’t take much time for me to close the movie and get up from the couch, because I was raised to be obedient. Haha! Just kidding, I got up because a lecture was on its way.

“And close the door behind you, we already have two animals at home, we do not need more inside.”

I think he means me and my brother, but I’m not really sure. It reminds me of the time in seventh grade I told my mother the whole school was going to the zoo for a field trip and she said, “Oh! But you already live in one.” and my dad said, “So, your friends are coming over? Nice.” 

So, anyways, I was busy taking in as fresh oxygen I can through my thick blue mask and giving out not so fresh carbon dioxide and thinking about global warming, carbon footprints and corona virus, when I ran into her. 

So, time for a little riddle now. What is that virus that can pass through a mask and can’t be stopped even after maintaining a six feet gap?

Ans: Gossip.

And if gossip’s the virus, this person standing in front of me is the vessel. She is over forty, nearing fifty, ignores all the signs of time asking her to shut up, like grey hair and wrinkles on the face by using dye, anti wrinkle creams and botox facials, she acts over friendly and knows what happens in every house. She is (drum roll) The Gossip Auntie!  Run into her, consider your day already bad. But my day was not just bad, it was BAD because she was gearing up to speak.

Not your day, huh. 

“Adiiiitiiii!”,she squealed super excitedly.

Right. Just do it! Because I wear Nike.

“Hello Auntie.”,I said trying to fake the same expression but obviously failing.

“So, what are you doing here? Walking?”

“Yeah… walking, you know fresh air and all... “

Is it too soon to say I gotta go, bye? Maybe. 

“Good. But why are you not studying? Don’t waste your time, engineering is the most crucial time for you, you gotta work hard and go abroad like all you kids are doing these days.”

“Make you proud…. Yeah sure, I’ll umm work hard.”

“Way to go. Are you up to date with your homework and stuff?”,she asked sternly. 

Excuse me, what? I can’t believe this is happening. God! This is going to be one hell of a conversation. 

“Umm.. Yeah.”,I lied. The look she gave me was creepy, somehow I had an eerie feeling she was going to recite page numbers from my math textbook and confirm or something. 

“Anyways, what is your mom doing?”

I mumble, a weak reply.

“And your dad?”

Why do you care? Was dancing on my tongue, but I don’t say it. Her questions are so on point, I thought she was writing down all my answers, to update her gossips database and forward it in her Whatsapp group and call up her potluck group and be like, “that girl so incompetent can never make it in ‘abroad’… doesn’t study roams on the road that too with this lock down and all. What was I doing there? Checking on her obviously, you silly!”

Finally, ten minutes that passed like ten years, later, after knowing the hobbies of all my family members and the precise location of my forefathers and gathering enough information to write my biography (or blog), she let me off the hook and gave me a nice headache as a parting present. I gratefully ran home. 

“What happened to you?”,asked my mom, as soon as I came in.

“I interacted with the outer world and came in contacted with a virus.”

“What? Where are you going?”

“Into my room, I need to go do my math homework and make Gossip Auntie proud.”

“Okay.”,my mom said, sounding confused. 

“I’ll study well, go abroad or whatever and get the hell out of this place.”

“Good. Sounds like a cool plan.”

“Hey, how was the walk? Did you come back with something you didn’t have before?”,my dad said walking into the room.

“Yes, I came back with a headache. Thank you very much.”

“Uh-huh, I meant peace of mind.” ,he said and looked at my mom. “What’s wrong with her?”

“I think she’s got some kind of a virus.”, my mom explains sagely. “Hey! You might want to stay in your room, I don’t want to catch it.”, she says to me.

And the last thing I heard as I went into my room was my parent’s roaring laughter. World is a cruel place no wonder everybody is going abroad.   

*****

#math homework    #engineer things    #gossip spreads faster than corona    

#stay away from me!    #Indian aunties    #go abroad!