Every birthday story

There is a pattern of rituals on everybody’s birthdays. Like every year, I have one friend who starts a countdown one week before my birthday and goes like, “Hey there are two days 4 hours, 50 minutes and 7 seconds to go for your birthday.” and then here I am like, “My birthday is on 19th and today is 18th, so, do I say there is 1 day to go or zero days to go? Fine never mind, I’ll stick with tomorrow is my birthday.”

And then there is another friend who writes a letter or makes a scrap book full of disgusting pictures of me snorting or hysterically laughing or blocking the camera from my sorry ass face and gets me a pair of ear rings for every birthday.

And then there are people in my family who make a video, every single year, that has my baby pictures.. Well, it is a family tradition, whoever celebrates their birthday gets this video with baby pictures gift.

So, once you’ve celebrated enough birthdays, you notice an obvious pattern. That’s the story of every birthday. Here’s mine.

• Wake up at 12 and thank all the people who are calling, sleepily. Listen to one friend pep talk me like, “Dude it is your birthday! Live a little! Why the heck you sleeping at 12? Can you show a lil enthusiasm for your own birthday?”

(Or an alternate version)

Act sleepy and cut the call so that I don’t have to make small talk with all the ‘well wishers’

• Ignore her and sleep again.

• Wake up in the morning and get kissed by all the people in the house.

• Check the baby pictures video.

• Thank all the people in the Whatsapp group, who spelled my name wrong (Athidi, Adhiti, Adhithi, etc, etc.. There is no freaking ‘h’ in my name!)

• Feel like the President of America, because people won’t stop calling.

• Get confused with my age. 

• Shower and wear the much hyped birthday dress.

• Click some photos and send it to cousins.

• Check Whatsapp to see if anyone spelled my name right. (nobody yet.)

• Sneak into the kitchen and taste everything that’s been made.

• Go to the temple. 

• Take costly gifts from grandparents (Hey, I don’t ask!)

• Eat breakfast (my favorite)

• Graciously thank one person who spelled my name right, thank people who didn’t wish yet, but will wish.

• Feel weird because bro is trying to be nice.

• Ignore friends who are asking for party.

• Eat lunch (all my favorites!!)

• Go all nostalgic like, “Grew up, so fast! Just yesterday I was one year younger.”

• Listen to parents tell me about One-more-birthday-doesn’t-mean-one-extra-candle-on-the-cake-but-extra-responsibilities.

• Do some hushed charity work.

• Eat.

• Eat a little more.

• Eat more.

• Cut the cake and get it all over the face (if friends show up) and eat it.

• Eat dinner. (favorites again.)

• Watch movie(s)

• Never worry about weight.

• Thank people who didn’t wish because they at least didn’t ruin the spelling of my name.

• Sleep.

• Next day, wake up feeling old (that is called hangover), so go back to sleep again and cancel or postpone all work.

• Wake up finally and reply to the belated happy birthday wishes.

• Listen to the responsibilities speech.

• Fight with brother over leftover birthday cake.

• Earn the bigger piece, eat it.

• Worry about weight. 

• Feel fat.

• Feel bad.

• Wait for the next birthday.

*****